Untamed Talk: Sex is something we need to talk about without staring at our shoes

Categories untamed


Sunday is a day I read a lot of articles and just reflect about the new week that is about to come. I ran into an interesting article that was written by Boniface Mwangi on sex and family planning that made me want to write this article.

Conversations on sex have been avoided in the African and Kenyan context are always avoided. Think of it this way, when a sexual scene in a movie you are watching with your parent comes up what does your parent do. Well many will conveniently remember that they are parched and need a glass of water and you will tell you Joni nlete maji ya kunywa. Another good suggestion many parents come up with is for you to do already done house chores. Many parents hold their hold breath until sexual adverts or scenes in movies end.

So today I am going to talk about sex. I remember in class 7 my French teacher in one of her classes mentioned that sex is good. It was a conversation in passing. By the way I am horrible in French don’t comment in French I’ll just say thanks even though it might be an insult. Anyway back to her conversation on sex. So apparently she did not hide the fact that sex is good however she had a caution; for married people. This was the catch she wanted for people to abstain and avoid having sex before it was actually time to have sex.

The notion that sex is for married people is scoffed up by everyone nowadays but the church holds to that notion and holds by it dearly. In 2014 Mavuno Church ran a very raunchy poster which was meant to get youths to talk about sex. Truth be told it rubbed Mavuno the wrong way. People did not talk about sex instead they decided to point out how Africans don’t talk about these things openly. Which is true; the fact that someone came out to talk about more so a religious entity rubbed established religious entities the wrong way. The same year government instituted a program that would see high school and campuses with free condoms. How I wish they would do the same with Tampons but that is a story for another day. The church went ham and refused to have such a program implemented in schools.

Please note that I am not saying the church is wrong I am just pointing out something I have seen common with many churches. All I am saying they are impediment to correct sexual health education. If I was an advisor of many church organizations I would advocate for the teaching of sexual health in our schools and more so campus and high school not say what is this we are teaching our children?  

By sexual education I mean proper education not giving boys condoms and telling them to go figure. There is much to sex than just having it the best explanation of sex given to children by parents is that you will figure when you get married.  This only that this statement brings is that your daughter or son may just end up going to have sex out there with someone and bring you a kid.

Back to us youths, us as the youth; we are no better on sexual conversations. I have listened to a conversation on sex and relationships. I was chilled for instance no youth sticks to the notion that sex is between 2 people who love each other it is normally a solidifier for relationships. Thing is most of us just have sex for no apparent reason and to just show our partners that we love them. In an article for May Issue Fatima Mustafa pointed out that sex most people have sex because they want to show their partners that they love them.

It is okay I mean it is your choice but do you use safe means of protection while you are at it? Do you willingly have intercourse? Most people especially women explain they were forced into having sex and not because they wanted but because their male partners wanted to have sex.

Because we are having a conversation about sex I think it is time I told women this. Have sex with someone that you love and don’t go into it just because he is touching the right places. Ask yourself is it what I really want? Will I regret having sex with this guy? By the way these are questions for women who value sex.

For men I am a guy by the as I tell you this I am not a relationship expert. (Side note I am horrible at relationships but I try). Anyway my point is sex is not equal to love and vice versa so just because she took off her clothes does not mean you get to treat her badly. By the way keep the number of  women you have had sex with private no one cares. It is also not a gate pass to riches neither here on earth or in heaven so keep some things private or to your close friends. Also sometimes no means no I think I should do a full article on this but not today. My main point is sex is something to talk about and from time to time I am going to be giving this column to talking about this issue.


David Mwenda is currently the Online Editor at Teen Network Magazine if you want to reach him shoot an email dtmwenda@gmail.com  ,  theteennetwork.ke@gmail.com or Tweet @1Davidmwenda  or @theteennet_ke